Here we go again....

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a really long time...I have been trying to stay busy to make time go by fast and it worked because the past 10 weeks have flown by!! It has been over TWO MONTHS since my egg retrieval and my cancelled egg transfer. Here is what we've been up to lately....

-NOTHING! Well...at least medically nothing. I was off fertility drugs for two months and I felt great!! Seriously...I have been taking drugs for YEARS (over three years to be exact) and this was two full months without anything in my system and it felt so good! I wasn't tired all the time, my body didn't ache, and I had so much energy!

-Unfotunately, since I didn't have drugs in my system I went 50 days without a period so they had to push back my egg transfer until the end of June. I was supposed to have the transfer at the end of May BUT my body never cooperates and I decided that I didn't want to take drugs to induce my period this time so I let nature run its course and I FINALLY got my period 50 days later (of course after taking two pregnancy tests and getting a big fat negative both times!)

-On Wednesday I started fertility drugs again and within two hours of taking Lupron I was sleep walking again! I didn't sleep walk for over two months!!! AND then two hours after taking this darn drug I end up getting dressed in the closet at midnight...seriously???? This drug messes with my body so much!! Poor Andrew...he has to deal with my sleep walking for a few more months! Let the side effects begin....

-We hit the "one year" mark since our miscarriage. It was a tough week, but I kept busy so I didn't have time to grieve about it too much. Honestly, I thought FOR SURE I would be pregnant again by now...I guess not.

-The same week as the anniversary of our miscarriage also happened to be Mother's Day weekend. What a very bitter sweet holiday for us! While everyone is celebrating their mothers (and me too...Love you mom!) it is also a very difficult time because I want to be a mom soooo bad AND it is another reminder that Andrew's mom is no longer with us. I can't believe it has been over three years since she passed away....Mother's Day never gets easier. This year we were able to celebrate Mother's Day in Minneapolis walking the Susan G. Komen 5K with Andrew's aunt Carolyn who was just recently told she is breast cancer-free!!

-For the past four years I have been getting four allergy shots/week because I am allergic to everything. I finally convinced my allergist that my husband is a professional at giving shots and they have agreed to let us do my weekly shots at home now. So excited because it was such a hastle to drive across town every Thursday during rush hour to get my shots. Andrew's mom would be so proud of him for taking after her...nurse Cynthia!

-We bought a minivan!! WOO HOO! Yes...we are officially old! Or, we are officially cool and in the Honda Odyssey club! We have been talking about getting a new car for a while now and knew it would be a minivan and now that I watch three...yes three...20 month olds (and a four year old)...I figured it was time to take the leap so we can actually go do fun things this summer! Did I mention that this is the FIRST minivan ever to fit 6 full-size carseats??? Yes...call me crazy but I am super excited!! Now we are bound to have quadruplets, right?? Here is a picture of our new baby.




-Two weeks ago we took our first daycare fieldtrip in the the new minivan. We went to an awesome park and then picked up McDonalds for lunch (P.S. Happy Meals are only $2 on Wednesdays), and then went to Andrew's work to have a picnic with him and take a walk by the lake. The kids LOVED it and they got to see their favorite person "An-du". They get SOOO excited to see him everyday after work and he gets the BEST welcome home hugs in the world! I get so jealous!

Well...that is about all for now! I will keep you posted more frequently now that we will actually be doing treatments again. Take care!

Infertility blogs...

So, I know I haven't updated in a while, but honestly...there isn't much to talk about! No drugs, no drama...just waiting. The 8-12 week wait has gone by fairly quickly...I think I am half way there. I will probably start up IVF drugs again in two weeks or so. I have tons to blog about, but I just haven't "felt like it" lately (maybe because my hormones are finally balanced again and I am not so darn emotional lately! HA). Anyways, just thought I would give you a quick update and show you some of the fertility blogs I read to pass my time or (weeks and weeks of waiting).

http://babyschetky.blogspot.com/ Really great blog. So true, honest and straight-forward! Love it and reminds me a lot of myself!

http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/ Very funny blog! Didn't think infertility was funny?? Well, infertiles can make it funny!

http://www.stirrup-queens.com/ Great resource for other infertility blogs. She has a list of 306 "best of" posts from fertility blogs. Who knew so many people blog about infertility??

In vitro--The wait begins....

Accomplishments this week…
-I finally slept in bed again on Saturday night after 8 nights of sleeping upright in our recliner

-I weaned myself off Vicodin, but my body is still ridiculously sore...everywhere!

-I can actually touch my toes without feeling like I am going to have a heart attack

-I can watch all my daycare kids by myself (Andrew, my mom and sister have helped me out a ton the past few weeks!)

-I can finally go to the bathroom (#1 and #2-sorry TMI) without feeling like something in my abdomen is going to burst

-I can finally fit in my clothes again....no more maternity pants for me since I am not even pregnant!



Realizing that we had to wait another 10-12 weeks to do the embryo transfer was really difficult for me to come to terms with....but I decided to make a list of the pros and cons of waiting.

Cons
-Now we have to wait until the end of May or beginning of June to do the embryo transfer …seems like FOREVER away!

-We will probably have to thaw all five blastocysts and hope that TWO will survive the thaw and will hopefully be transferred into me. But that means no more embryos for the future so hopefully we can conceive on our own someday or we will have to do this all again in the future!

-It is kinda creepy to know that our embryos are frozen in a dish somewhere. Our future babies are just “chillin” and waiting for us!

-I was hoping we would have our baby/babies around our 5th wedding anniversary (if it was twins....their due date would’ve been in November)

-I STILL can’t plan our future. Operating a daycare is really difficult when you don’t know when you might have one or two babies on the way. Makes accepting new children really difficult!

-Now I have to take more days off work (unpaid of course) for the week of my embryo transfer

-I have to start some of the drugs and shots all over again

-Our babies won’t be born until 2012. Not only is it “next year” and seems like forever away, but it is annoying for many reasons (insurance, taxes, etc.)

-The new due date will be January or February (yes…I am crazy and have already looked it up…this is what happens when you are infertile…you drive yourself crazy like this!) I really hate Valentines day so please God…don’t be cruel…avoid February 14th or the beginning of February in general (I hate hearts, pink, red and Valentines Day so I really don’t want my children associated with it) BUT of course IF you bless us with a child…I won’t complain and I will have them whenever YOU plan…but maybe you could cut me a break…just this once! Thanks!

Pros
-I get to have all the caffeine I want (at least for a while) Oh…I’ve missed you Diet Coke!

-I can actually have a beer or an alcoholic beverage again.

-I can hopefully squeeze in a “girls weekend” trip in the next 10-12 weeks

-Our babies won’t be born in November like thousands of other children whose parents wanted them to be born on 11-11-11

-No birthdays right before Christmas! January or February is way better cause I can get toys on clearance after Christmas! Woo hoo!

-I am determined to get into great physical shape so my body is ready for pregnancy. Last week at this time I was wondering if my body could even handle being pregnant with twins…..so I am determined to make it ready (yoga, acupuncture…here I come!)

-Now I have 10-12 more weeks to blog about why infertility stinks!! (this may not be a “pro” for you cause you have to hear me complain, but I have a lot to get off my chest so this gives me time to vent)

-We are going to “live it up” for the next two months. We are hoping to make some weekend trips to visit friends and family because a big vacation is out of the question this year since we have some big expenses coming up. Give us a call if you want to hang out!

Frozen Embryo update

We have five frozen embryos total. Please pray that they survive the freeze and thaw. I have to wait about six weeks for my body to recover and then I will start up drugs again for about six more weeks. Looks like we won't do the embryo transfer until the end of May or beginning of June. So......Andrew and I have lots of time to kill and need to keep ourselves busy for the next two months, any ideas???

Past two days--Hospital visit and more

So....apparently I am not the poster child for in-vitro fertilization. Maybe I shouldn't be writing this blog because I am going to freak everyone out and no one is ever going to want to do IVF after reading this. Although this is TERRIBLE...if we get the end result...it will all be worth it! Right??

Here is an update on the past two days:

Monday: I felt pretty good after having fluid drained from my abdomen on Monday. I could sit up easier, breathe easier, eat more food, and was in less pain. We went out for dinner that night and of course loaded up on my sodium with French onion soup and a French dip sandwich. I even attempted to sleep in our bed for the first time in 4 days....although that was short-lived because I woke up at 4:00am and I couldn't breathe again. Fluid came back. So I moved to my handy dandy recliner across the bedroom and attempted to get more sleep.

Tuesday: Andrew called the fertility clinic to check-in with them and we confirmed that I was in no condition to do the embryo transfer that day. They told Andrew they had two embryos ready to be frozen. TWO??? Only two?? Out of 16?? My heart sank and I am pretty devastated. They said they are watching some others that they might freeze on Wednesday. We will find out Thursday how many they actually froze.

I felt okay during the day....still extremely bloated, nauseous, and some difficulty breathing though. Took a two hour nap in the afternoon (which I rarely do!) and just laid around. Come dinner time it was getting difficult to eat again. I had a little bit of soup and that was about all I could manage to fit in my huge abdomen. I tried to get comfortable to watch a movie, but then had to go get Andrew because it was really getting difficult to breathe and my heart felt funny. We decided we probably needed to go to the hospital.

Let me just say that hospitals know NOTHING about infertility. They were clueless! We talked to a nurse, a med student, and then a doctor and all of them had a difficult time wrapping their head around the in-vitro process.

What drugs are you on? Like 10--we pulled out the list and of course they question us on what each one of them does. I don't know...it is just part of the IVF process.

How long have you had pain in your abdomen? Like weeks since my ovaries have been the size of tennis balls!!

Do you have pain while urinating? Do you have blood in your urine? Well...yes...I just had my vagina poked with a foot long needle yesterday!

And many other questions that I found hilarious to ask an IVFer.

My Symptoms:
-Difficulty breathing
-Can't lay down without feeling like I am suffocating
-Heart feels funny--beats irregularly
-Crave water and I am so sick of salt!
-Sore throat that feels like it is closing and I can't get enough air in
-Blisters in my mouth and throat (the nurse found these when she looked in my mouth)
-Rash on my abdomen (nurse found this when she poked at me...I didn't know it was there)

Their treatment: 2 bags of fluid through an IV and call my fertility doctor in the morning.

Really??? That is it??? So we waited for two more hours until the IV was finished and then we were sent home (@ 1am). I just paid how much money to have you give me an IV and now I am even more bloated and full, have to pee all the time AND I still can't breathe or get comfortable??? Thanks!

Went home and took some more Vicodin and tried to get as comfortable as possible in my recliner chair. Told Andrew goodbye (I know...morbid, right?) in case I stopped breathing in the night. Finally fell asleep, but still woke up at 6am when pain meds wore off.

Wednesday: Woke up this morning after a short night of sleep and Andrew called the doctor and we were told to come into the office as soon as possible. The nurse did another external and internal ultrasound to see how much fluid I have in my abdomen. She said my ovaries are still huge and are called "kissing ovaries" because they are touching each other. I don't have as much fluid as I did the other day, but I have one pocket at the base of my ribs that must be causing my breathing issues. They decided there wasn't enough fluid to put in the catheter and that we would just have to wait it out and I should "turn the corner soon" and hopefully start feeling better. I was told to just keep taking Vicodin and increase my dose if necessary. I really hate taking Vicodin (I try to take it only at night and Tylenol during the day) because it makes me tired and loopy, but I guess if it will help me breathe then it is my only choice.

So that's the update! Hopefully I haven't scared any of you who were thinking about doing in-vitro. This doesn't happen very often to people---so of course it would happen to me! Nothing is ever easy for Andrew and I. Someday our luck will change, right???

No embryo transfer tomorrow--cancelled

I am crushed....angry....helpless...frustrated...tired...sad...

I am supposed to have our embryos transferred into me tomorrow....but I'm not.

I am supposed to see a positive pregnancy test in two weeks....but I won't.

We are supposed to have a baby (or two) in nine months...but we won't.

This has been a very difficult weekend....emotionally and physically. I am so angry at my body for responding the way it has. I was not prepared for all the pain and heartache. I did not think that this would happen to me. I have moderate ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. I am so frustrated that this happened to me...why me?? (this only happens 10% of the time)

I still have a great deal of pain, nausea, difficulty breathing, and bloating. Our doctor had us come in this morning at 10:30 to see how things were going. I had an internal and external ultrasound done to check out how much fluid I have in my abdominal cavity. Turns out...I have quite a bit! Our doctor then came in and told us our options...
1. Drain the fluid right now in the office, but the fluid may come back and we may have to do it again

2. Go to Iowa Radiology and have a butterfly catheter put in and I would wear a bag that I would have to empty once it fills with fluid OR

3. Wait a day and see what happens (although he wouldn't suggest this because draining the fluid will make me feel lots better and breathe easier)

He also told us that we aren't going to be able to do the transfer tomorrow unless I feel 100%. He said that if we do the transfer and I do get pregnant, my symptoms are going to be way worse and we could risk my life and the babies life.

Graphic: I ended up choosing option one and had the fluid drained in the office. I saw the nurse pull out a six inch needle and I immediately began to panic and said "ahh...is that the needle?!?!" She said "yeah...you weren't supposed to see that! This is the numbing needle!" Oh shit! So they numbed me up...through my cervix of course and then proceeded to use the internal ultrasound probe and a FOOT LONG NEEDLE to go through my cervix and into my abdomen to drain the fluid. I had a pocket of fluid bigger than my bladder which explains the difficulty breathing and the pain. They drained almost 300 ml of bloody fluid from my abdomen. I did feel way less bloated after I was drained a little, but now I have pain in other areas.

So now our little blastocyst babies are going to be frozen and saved for a later date. I am really sad about this because only about 50% will survive the freeze and thaw. Hopefully tomorrow we will find out how many have lived these past 5 days and will be able to be frozen. Pray for lots and lots!!! Our doctor said that we will have to wait 10-12 weeks to do the transfer...seems like forever!! My ovaries need to heal and then I have to start a 6-8 week drug regimen. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Why me? Why us?? Seriously??? How much more can I take??

In-Vitro: We have ____ fertilized eggs!!!

Cycle Day: 40
Meds: Too many! Listed below...
Mood: exhausted, frustrated

Good news: On Friday we found out that 16 out of 20 eggs are fertilized! I had 23 eggs retrieved on Thursday, but three of them were still immature so they only had 20 to work with. Luckily, 16 of those fertilized! So right now our little embies are multiplying their cells in the lab and will hopefully become big blastocysts by Tuesday!! I am keeping my hopes up, but unfortunately statistics say only about one-third of the embryos make it to blastocysts. But with 16 fertilized, we have pretty good odds right now! Keep the prayers coming though!

Bad news: Since I had so many eggs retrieved I have been in TONS of pain since egg retrieval day. I have never been in this much pain before (and I feel like I have a pretty high pain tolerance) and I am really frustrated with myself that I feel like this. I know every person is different, but I just get frustrated when my body doesn't react the way I think it should. I had no idea that I was going to feel like this! I wish someone would've told me!

This is what Dr. Google told me, but somehow my fertility doctor failed to tell me...."In the 24-hour time period following the retrieval, it will be important for you to rest in a semi-upright position. When the ovaries are punctured to remove eggs, they ooze bloody fluid for a while until the puncture sites heal over. If this bloody fluid reaches the area of your diaphragm (as would happen if you laid flat) you may experience some chest and shoulder pain. Plan to sleep in a recliner chair or propped up in bed with pillows on that first night after retrieval."

So of course on Thursday night I slept in bed for a few hours until the Tylenol PM wore off and I woke up in excruciating pain! I couldn't breathe...I couldn't move....I couldn't sit up....nothing! Andrew got me more Tylenol, but I didn't sleep much after that. Luckily on Friday my mom was here to help me watch the daycare kids because I could barely move. It felt like I had an incision across my abdomen and someone was squeezing my rib cage making it very difficult to breathe. Luckily the nurse called me Friday afternoon with the number of eggs, so I could tell her about all of my side effects. She called in a perscription for Vicodin to relieve some of the pain and told me to eat more salt (yuck) to suck the fluid out of my abdomen area.

Pain kept increasing as the day continued and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. I was told to weigh myself to make sure I wasn't taking on too much fluid or else they would have to drain it with a long needle!

Last week I weighed 130lbs (yes...I am telling you my weight)
Thursday night after the procedure I weighed 140lbs.
Friday morning I weighed 134lbs.
Friday night I weighed 137lbs.
Saturday morning I weighed 135lbs.

My weight is all over the place, but since it is not steadily increasing I don't have to have fluid drained. I look 5 months pregnant though which is extremely uncomfortable because my abdomen is sore to the touch. I can't even wear my own sweatpants because they are too tight so I have been wearing maternity gear (nothing like wear that when you aren't even preggo!)

Friday night I tried laying in bed to sleep, but after 30 seconds I couldn't breathe and shot straight up to catch my breath. It feels like I don't have any room in my torso and everything is pushing up against my lungs. I haven't been able to take a full breath of air since Thursday. Andrew was so sweet and went to the basement to carry up our recliner so I could sleep sitting up. It helped a ton but I still woke up at 4am in a lot of pain and unable to breathe so Andrew had to get me some more Vicodin. Poor guy isn't getting much sleep lately.

This morning I woke up and felt nauseous, light-headed, extreme pain and could barely breathe. Andrew called the nurse again to tell her what was happening and of course she just told me to drink more Gatorade and eat more salt (AHH!!!) It hurts to eat because there is no room for my stomach to grow without it pushing on my ovaries or pushing fluid against my lungs. I barely ate one piece of pizza tonight for dinner....and that is not like me! Luckily, the nurse called in another perscription for nausea so I don't have to deal with that anymore. Today I took 9 of my pills before 10:00 (sounds fun, huh?)

Here are the list of drugs I have to take today.....

Doxycycline 1 tablet twice daily--When performing the procedure to retrieve the eggs, a needle is placed through the vaginal wall and into the abdominal space. We want minimize the risk of an infection due to this puncture, as fevers are not good for developing embryos.

Methylprednisolone 4 tablets once daily--This steroid hormone is taken when the Assisted-Hatch procedure is being done, in conjunction with the Embryo Transfer. It is taken to suppress any inflammatory reaction that might occur between the embryo(s) and the endometrial lining.

Progesterone shot (in my butt) 50 mg daily--This hormone will act upon the lining of the uterus (the endometrium) to make it receptive for embryo implantation. As part of the egg retrieval process, progesterone-producing cells are removed along with the follicular fluid and oocytes, making the ovaries unable to produce progesterone sufficiently. Progesterone is vital for endometrial development and continued embryo support. We do this shot every night at the same time throughout my entire first trimester (if we get preggo!). I have to ice before and heat after. It takes about 1 minute to inject this shot in my butt because it is a thick oil so you can't go too fast. Then you have to massage the skin to "work in" the oil. Luckily Andrew is a pro at giving shots by now!

Vicodin tablet every 4-6 hours--for my extreme pain

Nausea tablet every 8 hours-- Don't remember the exact name but it helps with nausea

Dulcolax 2 tablets--So I don't get constipated

Prenatal vitamin--Studies have shown that increasing the intake of folic acid prior to conception helps to decrease the chances of certain spinal-cord-defects in babies. Luckily, I have been taking pre-natal vitamins for three years now.

Low dose Aspirin--A very high blood level of estrogen, which will result from the gonadotropin drugs, can have the potential effect of increasing the coagulation factors in the bloodstream (especially in the small vessels that supply the uterus and ovaries). Aspirin, in low doses, will decrease the effects of those clotting factors, and in turn, increase blood flow to the tissue.

Yep...that is 15 pills+ and one shot/day!


So, I'm sorry I didn't update you all earlier about how many fertilized eggs we have. I just haven't felt up to it lately. I know I have been complaining a lot lately, but I really wish I would've known that I would feel like this....so hopefully I can help the next person who has to do IVF. We are super excited and fortunate to have 16 little embies growing right now. Thanks again for your continued comments, thoughts and prayers. We will keep you updated on how things go!